Adulthood: What It’s Supposed to Be vs. What It Actually Feels Like

Navigating the Gap Between Expectations and Reality in Your 20s and 30s

Ever feel like adulthood isn’t quite what you thought it would be? Like you’re falling behind while everyone else seems to have it all figured out? You’re not alone—and you’re definitely not failing. The truth is, the version of adulthood many of us were sold doesn’t match the reality we’re living. So let’s talk about that gap, why it feels so heavy, and how you can start giving yourself permission to live life on your terms.

The "Supposed To's" of Adulthood

We grow up with a pretty rigid idea of how adulthood is "supposed to" look:

• Land your dream job

• Get married by a certain age

• Buy a house

• Have kids

• Be financially stable

• Always know what you're doing

These milestones are often tied to timelines we never actually agreed to, but feel pressured to meet anyway. And when real life doesn’t line up? Cue the anxiety, shame, and spiraling self-doubt.

What Adulthood Actually Feels Like for Many

For a lot of people in their 20s and 30s, adulthood feels more like:

• Working a job you’re not sure you love

• Feeling like everyone else is doing better

• Questioning your relationships

• Renting and feeling behind financially

• Managing burnout, anxiety, and imposter syndrome

• Wondering if you're "wasting time"

Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever thought, “I should be further along by now,” you’re not broken. You’re human. And the pressure to follow a perfect timeline is a lie that’s keeping you stuck.

Why This Disconnect Hits So Hard

The pressure to meet certain expectations is deeply internalized. Social media only adds fuel to the fire, giving us a highlight reel of other people’s lives that seem effortlessly perfect.

You’re measuring your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s curated content—and it’s not a fair comparison.

This disconnect triggers a lot of core wounds:

• Am I enough?

• Am I falling behind?

• What if I never figure it out?

These thoughts are heavy. They’re also incredibly common, especially in therapy spaces.

Let’s Redefine What Adulthood Can Look Like

Here’s the truth: there is no single, “correct” way to do adulthood. The timelines are made up. You get to create your own version that actually fits you.

Instead of:

• “I should be married by now.”
  Try: “I’m building a relationship with myself that will serve every future relationship.”

• “I should own a house.”
  Try: “I’m focusing on financial habits that give me freedom and security long-term.”

• “Everyone else is ahead.”
  Try: “I’m not late—I’m on my path, at my pace.”

Redefining adulthood isn’t about giving up. It’s about taking your power back.

What You Can Focus On

Instead of chasing timelines that don’t align with your reality, try anchoring into:

• Emotional growth

• Learning how to say no

• Prioritizing mental health

• Exploring what success means to you

• Finding people who truly support you

• Choosing rest without guilt

Adulthood becomes a lot more fulfilling when it’s rooted in self-awareness, not comparison.

Therapy Can Help You Untangle These Feelings

If you’re navigating the messy middle of adulthood—figuring out your career, dealing with relationship confusion, trying to feel “good enough”—therapy is a safe space to unpack it all. You don’t have to figure it out alone.

In therapy, we can work on:

• Challenging your inner critic

• Rebuilding self-trust

• Processing anxiety and burnout

• Creating a vision for your life that actually feels good

Because adulthood isn’t about checking boxes. It’s about creating a life that feels meaningful to you.

Final Thoughts

You are not behind. You’re not failing. You’re doing the brave, hard work of figuring it out in real time.

Adulthood is confusing and nonlinear and full of plot twists. But that doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means you’re living—and learning how to live in a way that’s true to you.

Let’s talk about how therapy can help you feel more grounded, more confident, and more aligned with the life you want.

Click here to book your free intro call

You don’t have to carry all of this alone.

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Jade Staubs, LCSW
Licensed Therapist | J Therapy | Serving Women in Florida

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Hi, I’m Jade, therapist based in Florida. Your biggest supporter.

Therapist for anxious, overwhelmed women in Florida
and Founder of J Therapy. You’re in the right place.

Let’s connect:

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